Tag Archives: Change

017 – Balancing Criticism and Encouragement: Finding the Right Ratio

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Stuart Miles - FreeDigitalPhotos.com

Stuart Miles – FreeDigitalPhotos.com

The benefits of encouragement and the need for criticism.  It is easy task to balance negative reactions and positive actions toward our family, friends, coworkers and especially those facing a difficult recovery.

Our relationships would benefit from more positive and encouraging interactions.  This also seems to be true when dealing the Post-Traumatic Stress.  Our minds tend to already be drawn to the negative.  We often already know how we are messing up.  However, sometimes we need to hear it anyway.

What ratio of negative to positive is best?  In this episode we explore this complex subject.

Build off the positive.  Even if it is difficult to find the positive, keep looking until you find the positive.

It starts with our own attitude of gratitude.  How critical are you of your own thoughts, words and actions?  We need to show ourselves grace.

Some Other Resources:

When it come to the need for change, do you respond better to criticism or encouragement?

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If you could not fail, what would you set out to achieve?

Imagine a world in which it is possible to overcome anxiety, to successfully deal with stress and to grow stronger following traumatic events, to be successful in business, to have healthy relationships.  Well, that world exists and we live in it!

One of the surest ways to not achieve something is to not try.  The old adage, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”, still rings true.

We do not have to wait for the New Year to get started on the rest of our lives.  We can START to make changes now (7 our series on Change: part 1part 2part 3) .  Today is a new day.

You may have desires to accomplish new heights in relationships, work, business or health.  You may desire to overcome anxiety, fear or things from the past.  Whatever it is, you can start a new path today.

Perhaps fear of failing hinders us from attempting or even setting goals. (See: Is Fear Holding You Back?)  Whatever it is, it can be dealt with and overcome.

What can we do to help?  This post links to some other resources on our site.  If there is something else we can do, please let us know.

Michael Hyatt, in his free video, “5 Days to Your Best Year Ever Part 1” has a lot to offer.  In this video you will find encouragement to get started, make it through the messy middle to the joy of final accomplishment.

Question: If you could not fail, what would you set out to achieve?  Share you goals and desires in the comments sections.

Additional resources available from Michale Hyatt at http://michaelhyatt.com/

006 – Devastation or Transformation?

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Can a seemingly devastating event lead to positive transformation?  Life will throw us many difficulties.  We can build a solid foundation to face whatever may come.  We can also build with whatever we have experienced.

In this episode we will discuss:

  • Devastating events
  • I share a little of my own Iraq story.
  • We look at another real life story: Joni Earechson Tada
  • Mind Set
  • How we can START to make a difference.

Mind Set

We bring all of who we are, good and bad, to the moment of any difficult event.

Is a quick fix always good for us?  Consider some research on lottery winners…

How we can START to make a difference?

  • Set Goal: Specific, measurable, time sensitive, written (outcome and performance goals)
  • Tools: people, training, resources, equipment and techniques
  • Action Plan: who, what, when, and where
  • Run: Just do it!
  • Test: Am I getter closer to achieving my goal? And is this goal getting me closer to achieving my objectives?

See my three recent blog posts on Change: part 1; part 2; part 3

Joni’s Video story – http://www.joniandfriends.org/television/id-rather-be-wheelchair-knowing-him/

Welcome to our Stitcher Radio listeners!

Leave us a comment:

What have you overcome?  What are you still trying to overcome?  Of contact me directly at david@HealingTheWoundsOfWar.com

Change: (Part 3 of 3) START a Path toward Transformation

Transformation begin with small changes!  To fulfill big desires we need to start with small goals.

Not long ago I made a new friend.  A young man of 70+ years.  During his last check-up the doctor chided him for his high blood pressure.  The doctor wanted to put him on blood pressure medication.  My friend, however, wanted an opportunity to see if he could make an impact on his blood pressure on his own.  So he set a goal!

He recognized a problem (See part 1).  Then, with his doctor, he evaluated the problem.  He did not stop there.  He began to START to do something to change his life.

He set a goal.  A measurable, time sensitive and shared goal.  For him, it was to walk 20 miles every week.  With a follow-on goal of turning the 20 miles into power walking.  He shared his goal with his family.

Now that he has his goal set, he gathered the tools.  These tools included proper foot ware, wet weather clothe (he lives in the North West of the U.S.).  It also included reading about power walking and watching some videos about proper technique.

That covers a review of the S and T of START (See Part 2).  Now on to the -ART:

Acton Plan

On our path from turning desires into realties we need to recognize, evaluates, set a goal, and gather tools.  We then need to take these things and make an Action Plan. 

These Action Plans ask and answer: Who, What, When, Where we will accomplish our goal.

  • Who needs to be involved?  We may only need ourselves.  To whom will you be accountable? Sometimes we will need, or should involve others.  Such as a doctor, therapist, nutritionist, trainer, friend, coworker, family member or coach.
  • What tools will you utilize?  This includes, but is much more than, equipment.  Most goals will involve some kind of technique that we can learn.  Another friend of mine was having panic attacks.  A breathing technique was one of the tools utilized to accomplish their goal of dealing with panic attacks.
  • When will you work on the goal?  How many days per week?  How much time per day?
  • Where will you work on your goal?

Run with the plan

Once we have our plan—preferably in writing—we need to run with the plan.  It does us little good to set goals, gather tools and learn techniques if we stop at that point.  We need to put all the prep work into actions.  Run with your plan in confidence!

Test your plan

It is important to know if our plan is helping us achieve our goal and if our goal is leading us toward accomplishing our desired objective.  It is not a matter a plan failing.  Failure only occurs when you give up completely.  It is helpful to be objective when assessing if a plan is working or not working.  This we can tune and adjust the plan or changed the focus of our goal. 

Two important test questions concerning your current plan:

  1. Am I getting closer to achieving my goal?
  2. Is this goal getting me closer to achieving my objective?

Honesty is key!  We can always learn new techniques, change equipment or modify our plan.

By setting appropriate goals we can change our lives, achieve our desires and impact the lives of those around us.  If you feel stuck in the goal process let me know.  I would me happy to do what I can to help you achieve victory. (david@HealingTheWoundsOfWar.com)

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Change: (Part 2 of 3) How can you START the process?

In part 1 of 3 on Change we discussed the possibility of change occurring in our life.  Recognizing the need for change is a start.  We must also believe that change is possible.

Today we begin to START the forward action part of the change process.  Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step.  Some evaluation of the situation can be helpful.  If you stop there then you have only become a proficient navel gazer.  It is at this post that we need to START to move in a new direction. (See zzca for an overview of START)

Let’s take the first two letter and START:

Set Goals:

It is easy to confuse goals with desires.  I recently read a post where people were asked to share their goals.  Some replies were like: “I want to lose 150 pounds.” Or “To stop having panic attacks at a crowded store.”  Both of these would be great accomplishments.  They are both worthy objectives.  But as a starting point they are desires.  They are huge feats that require many small changes.

For best success goals should be:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Time sensitive
  • Written and Shared

Research shows the writing and sharing goals significantly increased the likelihood of success.  Writing a clear, specific, measurable, time sensitive goal and sharing it with someone for accountability will help bring the desire into reality.

Goals can either be outcome or performance based.  An example of an outcome based goal is: I will lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks.  Whereas a performance based goal is: I will walk 10,000 steps 5 days a week for the next 5 weeks. They are both measurable and time sensitive.

Outcome and performance based goals each have their place in bringing about change.  Ultimately we need to achieve the desired outcome.  Nevertheless, performance based goals are a great tool to help lead us toward accomplishing whatever objective we need.

Consider the desire to stop having panic attacks in crowded stores.  There may be many obstacles to overcome.  Many outcome and performance goals and tools many be needed.

Tools:

Without the right tools we will not be able to accomplish our goals.  Once we started turning desires into specific and measurable we need to gather the appropriate tools.  Tools are the techniques, equipment, resources, and people we need to accomplish our goals and reach our objectives.

Books, training DVDs, equipment, technique, seminars, doctors, councilors, medication, friends, teachers and coaches are just a few examples of resources.  It can be tempting to allow the lack of resources to derail our goals.  Many resources require little to no money.  Be frugal; but be willing to invest what you have too!

What do you desire?  Can you turn that into a specific, measurable, time sensitive, written goal?  If so, what resources do you need to accomplish that goal?

On the surface this may sound easy.  The process may not be complicated.  That, however, does not mean it is easy.  Write me (david@HealingTheWoundsOfWar.com) if you want help defining your goals and locating resources.  Perhaps together we can move forward.

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Change: (Part 1 of 3) Is it really possible to change?

For the small things in life the answer seems to be an easy, “yes.”  This even extends to difficult changes like quitting smoking, excessive drinking, drugs or overeating.  Some of these changes may be difficult; but they are possible.  Most of us accept that change can take place-even permanent change.  I know many who have permanently quit smoking and lost weight.

What about those things that seem to be deeply ingrained into our nature, mind and even our soul?  Can change occur in these deep character areas?

The theological side of me says a resounding, yes!  Is it that easy?  Can one say, “Just give it up to God.” or “Jesus will take care of it.”  Maybe, sometimes this is the case.  And I think this is an important part for wholeness.

However these deep seeded core characteristics are complex and a simplistic answer—in the physical, psychological or spiritual—is probably not a reality.  Perhaps it starts with how we see the problem.

Do we see it as an all or nothing situation?  Does it all have to change in order for it to be anything meaningful?  For some things the answer to these questions is, yes.  But for most things, even big things, I think the answer is, no.  It is not usually an all or nothing situation.

When we recognize (the first R in the RESTORE process) that something is amiss in our life or relationship—big or small.  Then we can evaluate (E) the situation—not to dwell on it, but rather just enough to get to the S of RESTORE.  We can then proceed to START to take some action.

In this series of posts, and next week’s podcast, we will explore a practical process leading to meaningful change.  We will investigate how to START to make a difference:

  • Set Goals: reasonable, responsible and measurable
  • Tools: Gather the necessary tools and resources
  • Action Plan: Put a practical action plan in place: who, what, when, where and how
  • Run with it: Up till now we have assessed, learned and planned.  Now it is time to run with the plan with confidence!
  • Test: Are the tools and the plan leading toward the goal.  If not, what needs to be changed or gained?

Join is in parts two and three (and the podcast on Thursday, November 22) when we explore this process that can be part of bringing change—big and small.  We will also consider why we sometimes do not accomplish our goals.

How do you see your problems?  Do you recognize any hope for change?

[You may benefit from listing to episode 002 – RESTORE.]

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